See this is what I’m holding back
And everytime I go to speak I feel my voice crack
And though I try to let you go I know that for a fact
I’d still fight the world just to get you back
It all started when I was 16 I met the one that I believed I shared a future with he was so unique
I looked over all the shit he did when he was mean
Disrespected, rejected, held my head up and accepted it
I was too strong to be petty over stupid shit
And anytime I was jealous I kept quiet
Cause you see I was a lady and his mama thought I was higher than all those other hoes
and you know how that shit goes
they were stupid, crazy, easy, and sleazy
And that first one fucked him up you see
She couldn’t leave her ex alone; she wouldn’t let her past be
So the second just fucked him non-stop for days while she was probably fantasizing over Hunter Hayes
I came third to give him the world, MY world while I was just a fill in between girls and I still loved him more than I ever will again because my problem is believing he’d change
At 17 we’d meet again, but he’d be with some basic bitch and long story short I played my part in ending it.
It wasn’t hard because I had left my mark and at just the sight of me I’d make his heart start
We belonged to each other and it was just us but…
He’d made a promise to our home and for some time he’d be gone to make sure he could live up to it
And in the midst of it all he left his heart in Ft. Jackson and he come back a different person that was put too high on a pedestal
What he doesn’t understand because he opens his mouth before he opens his mind or his ears is that I’m still gonna be here
And I didn’t fall in love with a man in Army gear, I didn’t trip for a medal, I never wanted to settle for boots and some letters
But for the man underneath all of it I did and I still would and I couldn’t stop loving that man even if I could
But he pissed me off. How could I be so stupid? How could one man make me feel so useless. How could I trust him not to do this?
To leave me to this. Venting in a song that even if it was catchy he wouldn’t sing along because it’s all he turned out to be that I know he doesn’t want to see the reflection of who he really is, but I guess that’s why I’M so dangerous.
And I guess I’ve handled worse because I STILL want every inch of him.
And the night we’d finally make love would be a year from our first date but your best friend would turn it into a night that I’d hate.
But you’d wave it off although it’s a night that plays over and over killing me inside.
I gave an important part of myself that night and he would steal a part of me too. Even when you signed up to protect me, why didn’t you?
You played with me and hurt me and all I gave was the truth but to see I’m still standing makes me brave enough to take you.
I’m not afraid to still want you
I’m not afraid of your games.
Just watch what you do or you’re bound to get played.
But Damn. I wish I was psychic so I’d get to see if I end up a wife or side chick
Will I still get tossed around because you don’t know who you are or will you finally back up that shit you said about me being a star?
Thought stars are mean to be seen but you don’t mind the hole burning in your pocket from hiding me
If I wanted to be a secret why don’t you play Jeffery Dahmer it would be an honor to be hidden; a victim but nevermind all the bullshit I’ll say I want a fresh start we got a foundation built but ontop of so many lies it’s just asking to topple over and burn
When is it my turn to stand above and peep the way your eyes yearn for me to go deeper only for me to look away and scan another dude as if the truth was lying in my desire for revenge
to end the backstabbing over and over again and seeking your demise was to finally dive into your eyes and tear your lies apart from the inside out; from the bottom of your heart
And to finally walk away…
But here I am now. Holding back. Voice cracking. Breaking my teeth on vodka glasses and numbing the anger so that I can feel alive once more because the soul I had before walked out the door with you and never came back because it found who it never wanted to leave again,
What can I say? I guess my soul found its soulmate.